


A Million Little Times

by Linds_1911



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hair-pulling, M/M, Manipulation, Oral Sex, Porn with Feelings, Smut, babysitter, kind of grooming, mention of praise kink
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-15 18:13:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28817628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Linds_1911/pseuds/Linds_1911
Summary: John Tavares is looking for a romantic evening with his wife, but poor little Jace cannot stay home alone. Nick Robertson is looking to get some respect on the Leafs and is willing to do anything to gain that said respect. So, Nick volunteers. John knows Nick’s intentions from the start, and plans to fully take advantage of what this small boy from California has to offer.Aka John is an ass hole with feelings, and Nick is so naive... or is he?
Relationships: John Tavares/Nick Robertson, Kyle Dubas/Nick Robertson
Comments: 6
Kudos: 21





	1. Chapter 1

It’s been exactly one year since Nicholas Robertson has been drafted onto the Toronto Maple Leafs. Something he’ll always be immensely proud of. Except for the fact that he’s only played in three games, one being a scrimmage, and another ending short in an injury. Nick has craved nothing but respect from his teammates, enough to go to the big guys about it.

"Hey coach can we talk?” Nick approaches his coach, Sheldon Keefe, with only one intention, and he plans on not leaving until the goal is achieved.

“Robertson, sit. We can talk.” Sheldon closes his laptop and points to a chair across from a desk. Nick follows his coach’s orders, and sits across from him. “What would you like to discuss?”

“What do I have to do to prove to you I can hold my own out there?” Nick doesn’t hesitate to let Sheldon know immediately how this meeting is going to go. Sheldon is immediately unimpressed with how blunt Nick has decided to be  
“Listen, Kid. You’re still only 19 and you have plenty of time to climb the ranks around here. You have nothing to worry about.”

“Besides the possibility of being traded.”

“Of course there is always a chance of that happening, however we like the chances you have around here. With a bit of practice, of course. Again, you’re just a kid, and we have guys with much better stats that deserve to be out on the ice.”

“I don’t have stats because I never play!”

“Don’t raise your voice at me Robertson. You’ll play when Kyle and I decide you do.”

Nick stands up, unsatisfied of where this meeting is going, and storms out slamming the door behind him. He gets back into the dressing room, where most of the guys have gone home, excluding a few stragglers. One including his “mentor” Zach Hyman.

As soon as Nick, quite aggressively, grabs his bag already packed and ready to go out of his stall, Zach is already behind him ready to calm him down. “Hey kiddo, what’s up? What’s wrong?”

“Don’t fucking call me kid! I’m not a fucking kid, I’m nine-fucking-teen! I’m an adult!” Nick lashes out a Zach from all the pent up anger of his previous conversation.

“I’m sorry, Nick what’s wrong?"

“It makes no sense why I don’t have a fucking roster spot! I’ve scored both games I’ve played! I’m working my ass off! I can’t help it that I'm smaller than the other guys!”

“Nick you have to be patient. We all go through periods where we have to prove ourselves. It’s not gonna happen over night. We all have to work our asses off all the time. Our spots aren’t permanent, don’t give up just because you haven’t gotten a more permanent spot on the roster yet. I promise, you are a good player. I have my eyes on you at all times, and I can see how much you improve everyday. You’re gonna be a star on this team one day.” Zach places a hand gently on Nick’s shoulder to ensure the message. The last thing Zach wants to see is his rookie giving up before he barely even started.

“Alright boys can we hurry up,” John announces walking out of the shower, “I really need to get home.” Everyone immediately starts to pack up quicker, not wanting to upset their captain.

Zach sighs, trying to finish up his conversation, “Listen Nick, sometimes it takes a little bit of… convincing to get your way around here.” Nick nods, mind now racing about how many ways he could think of to convince whoever he needed to to finally get out onto the ice. Ultimately, he comes up with a list of people he has to go through to get what he wants, and his first target: John Tavares.

If Kyle is the brains of the team and Sheldon is the heart, this makes John the only other place men think from, their core. Now all Nick has to do is figure out how to get to John, so the heart and head will listen.

Nick goes home that night, and plays through video compilations of John’s plays and interviews trying to figure out how to get into his head, possibly impress him on the ice. After watching video after video, Nick realizes that John isn’t gonna budge easily. Nick realizes he needs to get into John’s head consistently, but how exactly is the question.

When Nick finally goes to sleep that night, his mind is constantly filled with the videos of John. With thoughts of how fast he skates, how quick he thinks, how stoic he is, how aggressive he can play without throwing a punch, how big his muscles are, how defined his jawline is, how his thighs look in tight pants, how other things look in tight pants. Nick decides to give in to the temptation of his burning desire.

The next day is an off day, thankfully on Nicks part. After what he did the night before, facing John would not be an easy task. Nick calls his buddy Zach right after waking up, after a couple rings, Zach answers. A baby can be heard crying in the background.

“What do you need, kid? I’m trying to put Theo back to sleep.” Zach doesn’t sound too happy with the surprise call.

“Sorry. Can I come over?” Nick doesn’t want to bother the Hyman’s but this is a matter that needs to be spoken in person.

“Yeah sure, but please knock. I don’t want the baby to wake up again.”

“Yeah no problem. It is kind of important just a heads up.” and with that statement being left in the air, Nick hangs up before he can even get a reply.

Nick gets ready and heads immediately over to the Hyman’s, without even stopping to get some breakfast.

When a knock on the door is heard, Zach answers almost directly after. “Hey Nicky, come on in. Make yourself at home.”

Nick walks in, sitting politely on the couch. The whole house smells like baby powder and whatever they had for breakfast earlier that morning. Zach follows suit, and sits next to Nick on the couch. Close enough to feel the warmth of each other’s body heat, but not quite close enough to touch. “So, what’s bothering you that you had to come over Nicky?”

“I’m bisexual.” Nick practically vomits out, with no time to even think.

“What?”

“Well, at least I think I’m bisexual. Please don’t tell anyone. You’re the only person I trust. Please don’t be mad. I promise it has nothing to do with you.”

“Nick, calm down.” Zach puts a hand gently on Nick’s shoulder, “I won’t tell anyone I promise. What brought this up?”

“J-JT…” Nick admits barely above a whisper.

“What?” Zach slowly removes his hand from Nick’s shoulder, “You can’t seriously have a crush on your captain… he’s like 30 and married with a baby Nick.”

“I don’t have a crush on him I promise!”

“Then how the fuck- oh. Um… I mean you are a teenager… I remember when I was your age. Maybe you just… got confused. Or just had an intrusive thought.”

“Zach, it was clearly and thoughtfully about JT. I feel fucking horrible about it already, okay. I don’t need you to make me feel worse right now.” Nick sighs, releasing the tension from his shoulders, “Just, what should I do?”

Zach looks away trying to think of some actual good advice, before speaking without thinking first just in case what he said could possibly hurt Nick. “I wouldn’t tell him for one.”

“Thanks Zach because I was gonna tell John Tavares I jerked off to him!”

“Okay yeah no, um sorry, that was obvious... “ Zach takes some more time to think, “Maybe just, try to think about a girl you like as soon as you start thinking about JT… Maybe that can help.”

Nick just nods in response. Alannah walks into the room holding a babbling Theo in her arms. “What are you boys talking about?”

“Nothing important, just hockey.” Zach lies on his feet, not wanting to expose anything Nick didn’t want anyone else to hear.

“Well, I’m going to target with Theo because he told me we need to go to target.”

“Theo told you that?” Zach asks light-heartedly to his wife.

“Yep.” She replies, bouncing the baby up and down, “He told me he wanted to go to target. Well he actually telepathically told me that, but I have a motherly instinct.”

“Okay, don’t buy anymore candles please. We have 14 in our bathroom.”

“No promises,” She announces as she walks out the door grabbing her purse on the way out.

Zach just smiles and shakes his head facing the floor.

After throwing ideas back and forth with each other for a little over an hour, Nick decides to embrace his sexuality as much as he can without telling anyone, and changing the subject to something embarrassing every time he thinks of John.

A couple days pass, and Nick still has no idea how he’s going to get in John’s head, while simultaneously trying to keep John out of his head. However, every time Nick thinks of something he could do, it turns into a fantasy. And after his fifth day in a row thinking of John every time he goes to sleep and every time he wakes up, Nick accepts the fact that he might have a small crush on his captain, John Tavares.

The next day, they have morning training. Which just so happens to be Nick’s least favorite type of training. Being the typical teenage boy he is, all Nick wants to do is sleep until noon. But alas, Nick eventually rolls his way out of bed and down in the kitchen for some breakfast.

After a quick plate of whatever carbs he could find around the house, Nick manages to emerge out of his apartment on time, and with a cup of iced coffee.

The practice was long and tiring for everyone, but especially for John Tavares. Which prompts him to mention to Joe Thorton, who sits next to him in the dressing room, “It’s been months. Being a dad is great and all, but I am so stressed out, and getting absolutely nothing in months is literal fucking hell.”

“Once he’s old enough to go to school, it’ll get a lot easier. Just have to deal with quickies until then JT.” Joe reassures him, or at least tries to.

“I don’t think I can wait that long, and quickies aren’t gonna do much for Aryne. I just wish I could find a babysitter. But, it’s so hard to trust anyone with my baby.”

Nick realizes that now is his chance. John is desperate, and being his babysitter is the perfect excuse to get into his head. Maybe, if he can get close enough, he can even bring up John talking to Sheldon and Kyle about possibly getting some ice time. “I can babysit for you, I’m great with kids.” Nick interrupts.

“Nick, you are a kid. How do you expect me to trust another child with my child.”

“JT come on. One, I'm not a kid anymore. Two, you’re desperate and I’ll do it for free. I can even start tonight if you’d like. I have no life outside of coming here.” Nick can feel Zach staring intensely at him from across the room. But, Nick decides to ignore it. Maybe Zach will let him live this down one day.

John sighs, “Fine, I’ll text you my address. Be there at 6:00. Clear?”

“Yes captain. I’ll be there at 5:45.”

John nods, “Good.”

After everyone leaves, Nick is in his car. Trying to get his stuff situated before driving home to get himself ready to deal with a toddler overnight. While deciding on a playlist, he hears a knock on his window, and it’s Zach.

Nick rolls the window down, “What’s up Hyman?”

“What’s up?”

“I asked you first.”

“Nick you-” Zach sighs running his fingers through his hair, “You volunteered to babysit for John, why? I thought you said you were trying to get over him.”

“I am! I promise! I just, you said I needed to convince them I belong here, and why not start at the base and move up the tiers from there. I get John convinced so he can help me convince Sheldon and Kyle. It’s a perfect plan, and I thought I was going to have to beg. This opportunity was in front of me, so I took it. I promise I’m not trying to be a homewrecker. He’s straight anyways.”

“Nick… He-” Zach shakes his head, “Never mind, have fun. Don’t get hurt. If you need any baby advice, don’t hesitate to call.” Zach walks away, and Nick is left to wonder exactly what Zach was going to say the entirety of his ride home.

Between the long few hours between practice and Nick’s new babysitting job, Nick has managed to over think every possible outcome of walking into his captain’s home. To the point where at 5:45, when he’s standing at the door, Nick can’t even raise his hand to knock. Instead, he just stands there. John’s house is nice. Smaller than Nick expected it to be, but it’s charming for a rich man’s home. It’s made completely out of stone brick, and the windows and door look vintage. There’s almost no privacy except for a couple of hedges on either side of the house separating it from their neighbors. It’s strange to Nick that the captain of one of the most popular hockey teams in Canada lives in such a small suburban area. Nick doesn’t know what exactly he was expecting. But, he knows for sure, it wasn’t this.

Before Nick can get the courage to knock, John’s wife, Aryne, answers the door. “Hey, you must be Nick. John mentioned you would be coming. Come on in!” Aryne moves out of the way of the doorway, and Nick walks into the home. Immediately awestruck from what the home looks like from the inside, Nick has barely any time to think process all the beautiful white, tan, and grey decorations before John is already greeting him from the stairway. “Hey kid, thank you so much for doing this for us.” John is wearing his usual gameday attire, which is exactly what Nick cannot resist.

“No problem,” Nick says quietly, trying not to let his eyes wander down John’s body. Opting to look around the house from right inside the doorway.

“Jace is upstairs in the playroom. Let’s go meet him so it’s easier for him when we leave.” They walk upstairs, Nick taking note where all the different doorways lead to. Nick also can’t help but take note of all the pictures that frame their wall of all the places they’ve been to, and pictures of their happy little family.

Of course their family is happy, Nick thinks. Why wouldn’t it be happy?

The walk into the playroom and Jace is in there as expected playing with some wooden trains on the floor. “Hey, JJ, we brought you over a new friend to play with, do you wanna say hi?”

“No.” Jace says immediately going back to playing with the trains on the floor.

“He’s shy. Jace come on, Nicky came all the way out here to play with you.” Jace looks up at his father, waddles over there, and hugs his leg tightly. “See, Jace, Nick is a nice boy.”

Nick squats down so he’s eye level with the scared toddler, “Hey buddy! Wanna show me your cool trains?” Jace hugs John’s leg even tighter. “Awe, Jace it’s okay. I’m actually pretty cool. See look,” Nick walks over to where Jace was playing previously, and starts playing with the trains purposely wrong so Jace can come correct him. Which is exactly what Jace does.

Jace waddles back over and steals the train from Nick and puts it on the track, “Awe man, yeah your right kid that makes so much more sense.” This makes John smile.

“You have my number if you need me, He’ll be hungry in about an hour, diapers and wipes are in his bedroom, and he likes to watch this Blippi show on youtube if he starts crying.” John says slowly backing out of the door. Nick just nods as John leaves, leaving Nick with Jace.

After struggling to keep up with a toddler for 4 hours, Nick lays on the couch holding Jace laying on his chest watching the show John told him to watch.

The next morning arrives quite quickly, and Nick is asleep on the couch with Jace still asleep on top of him when John and Aryne arrive back home.

“Awe, Johnny, look at how cute,” Aryne whispers, not to wake up Nick or Jace. John smiles, walks over, and picks Jace slowly out of Nick’s arms. Nick stirrs barely, before going back to sleep, and John takes Jace back upstairs into his crib. When John returns, he tells his wife to head upstairs and he will meet her up there in a minute. Aryne does.

John sits down on the long part of the sectional, careful to not wake Nick. He reaches down, brushing a small piece of hair out of the tanned boy’s face. He can’t help but smile at the sight of his teammate in such a soft and vulnerable state. John also can't help but notice the way Nick’s eyelashes lay ever so softly across his cheek bones, and how he is still slightly flushed, even when away from the ice. John reaches out and lightly slides his thumb against the boy’s cheek bone. Nick’s lips curve into a small smile as well, his eyes fluttering open at the sensation. His expression immediately turns into shock.

“John?” Nick's voice still cracked from slumber.

“Nicky,” John whispers, “It’s morning, you have to wake up.”

Nick sits up slowly, rubbing at his eyes to adjust to the light. John tries to hold back his smile, Nick is just so soft that John can’t help but crack a small one. “I guess, I’ll head home, I’ll see you at the rink later.” Nick does exactly that, and heads straight home.

It’s not that Nick didn’t want to bring up the favor to John, but he figured that he should wait a little longer until asking him to talk to his boss about anything. Nick is willing to play the long game, as long as he knows there can be a certified outcome. John and Kyle are close, he can see it in the way they interact. He knows if he has John on his side, it won’t be hard to get Kyle to follow suit. The only true issue is convincing Sheldon that he’s a good enough player, especially now that his knee is healed.

The babysitting begins to become a weekly event. John and Aryne go out to dinner and get a hotel, while Nick stays back with Jace. It helps that Jace has become fond of Nick, and constantly asks where Nick is. John was quite impressed with the impression Nick left on his kid, and continues to let him watch him. After almost a month, Nick decides to finally make his move.  
“So, John, I was wondering if you could do me a favor?” Nick asks, holding Jace on his hip in the Tavares’ kitchen.

“What is it, kid?” John and his wife are ahead of schedule, and Nick is earlier than he usually is, so John decides to not be an asshole.

“I was wondering if you could possibly talk to Sheldon and Kyle about me, and maybe some of the guys on the team too?” Nick avoids eye contact, not wanting to see how John reacts to practically being used by a nineteen year old, “I just feel like I have some potential, and I also am tired of being treated like a baby.”

“I’ll talk to the guys, but you want me to talk to Sheldon and Kyle to get you more ice time?”

“Yes…”

“Nick, it’s not that easy. You have to prove yourself, like actually prove yourself. The last game you played, you got an injury. I don’t think they’ll be playing you for a while.”

“That wasn’t even my fault, how does that make sense? They played Muzzin right off his injury during the bubble.”

“That’s different, Muzzin’s one of our best D-men we have. We have a lot of good forward talent Nick. You just have to prove you’re better than them.”

“How the hell am I supposed to do that when I barely get any ice time? Everyone keeps telling me how I need to be better than the other guys, but I can’t prove I’ve gotten better without playing more often.” Nick starts to get angry with John.

“I’ll talk to them, but you’re gonna have to give me one hell of a good payment for this.”

‘I’ll do anything John, I promise. I’ll skate suicides for an hour, I’ll baby sit Jace whenever you want me to, I- I- I’ll take your clothes to get dry cleaned, I’ll clean your house or your car, or your house and your car. Please John, I-”

“Nick, I’ll let you know when I think of something,” and with that, John leaves with Aryne. Nick’s mind left to race and wander. The night follows as normal. Nick chases Jace around the house trying to keep him out of anything he could get hurt with, and John spends his night with his wife.

The next weekend, however, is different. Nick is told to come over, as usual, with the thought of babysitting Jace alone for the whole night. Although, when Nick arrives, something is different than the usual routine. Aryne is gone, and John is seated on the couch, Jace playing on the floor. “John, um, where’s Aryne? Why are you still here?”

“Nick, please sit down.” Nick sits down next to John, anxious to see why John is here without Aryne in sight. “I’ve thought of some ways you can, how you say, repay me for my services.”

Nick can’t help but giggle at the way John is acting so serious, “Okay captain, shoot.”

“Aryne’s mom is sick, she has to go home for a couple weeks, minimum. I was wondering if you could possibly keep the bed warm while she’s away, for say.”

“You,” Nick cannot believe the words coming out of John’s mouth, “You want me to…” Nick lowers his voice to a whisper, “Sleep with you?”

“I guess you could word it like that, yeah.”

“But, what about my apartment? I have to pay rent whether I’m there or no.”

“Don’t worry about it, she should be home before the end of february. I just don’t do well in hockey when I’m alone, and you need my assistance.”

“So, am I just sleeping next to you… or…”

“Nick…” John shakes his head smiling, “Nicky you are so... innocent.”

“Wait, you- you wanna,” Nick whispers so Jace can’t hear them, “you wanna have sex with me?” John just nods, as if the answer was obvious, “John, I- I’m a virgin. I haven’t even had my first kiss, unless you count kissing a girl on the playground in first grade, but other than that I’ve never done anything with anyone. I really don’t think this is a good idea. I’m not really, what you could say, the right candidate for the job. I have, like, no resume.”

“Nick, you’re telling me you are nineteen years old, and never even had your first kiss?”

“No, I was just waiting for someone special, or like a special moment, or anything really. Someone to be attracted to me would be nice as well.”

John slides his hand carefully across Nick’s cheek, threading his fingers softly through the hair on the side of Nick’s head. “John, what ar-” Nick’s question gets cut off by John’s lips lightly brushing against his own, stealing his first kiss right from under him. Nick wants to protest, but decides against it, letting himself melt into John. And when they pull away from each other, Jace is staring directly at them.


	2. Chapter 2

John and Nick do nothing more than kiss that night. The next morning when they wake up in each other’s arms, they decide they have some discussion to do about the impending future that lies ahead for them. 

“John, if i'm gonna stay with you, we should probably discuss, um my boundaries, if that’s okay?” Nick turns to face John in the bed he normally shares with his wife. 

“Okay,” John faces Nick. 

“Well, I, um, I’m not ready to have sex, or anything sexual. At least not yet.” John nods, and places a hand on Nick's cheek. 

“That’s okay,” John smiles softly, running his thumb softly across Nick’s cheekbone, “Whenever you’re ready let me know, and if things start going far just tell me to stop.” 

“Thanks captain.”

“Please don’t call me captain when you are in my bed with me, it’s weird.”

Nick giggles softly, “Sorry John. Can you um, talk to Sheldon and Kyle for me?”

“Yeah I can talk to them. I’ll go to practice a little early so I can talk with them, and I’ll have to bring Jace along anyways, so it won’t look that weird.”

“Thank you.” 

An hour of typical morning routine activities go by before Jace wakes up, and Nick leaves to go back to his apartment before practice. Once John is left to his own devices, he can’t keep Nick out of his mind. He knows Nick is just using him for his power, and so he has to get whatever he can get out of the boy. But, Nick is just so inviting. John wonders what it would have been like if he would’ve gotten into a relationship with a man instead. If he would have a child still, if he would have ever come out to the world. Those are both quite unlikely considering the innate homophobia that surrounds you when you become an NHLer. Of course, this doesn’t stop John from showing his interest in men. From relationships prior, or just liking pictures on instagram. This new adventure with Nick is just another notch in his belt, but something about Nick is different than other men he’s been with in the past, casual or serious. Maybe it’s how young and inexperienced Nick is, but either way John is always up for a challenge. John’s willing to wait, but only until the moment to strike is right. He will take Nick’s virginity for the trouble he’s putting him through, no matter how immoral it sounds. 

John gets Jace ready and heads to the rink, stopping Kyle in his tracks before he can reach his office. “Kyle,” John grabs his shoulder, “Can we talk? It’s about Robertson.” Kyle doesn’t seem too surprised, and leads John directly to his office. 

Sitting across from each other, Kyle pulls out his laptop and gets to work as usual, not too worried about being that focused on the conversation, “What’s wrong with Robertson? What’s the problem?”

“I just think he’s a good kid, and I think you and Sheldon should be giving him more credit. You know, possibly giving him some line time?” John carefully examines Kyle’s movement. It doesn’t surprise him that Kyle seems so uninterested. Nick is still new to the NHL, and Kyle needs to focus on how to get his team the best they can be. 

“John, Nick is improving everyday. we’ve noticed, but Nick is also small and another injury like the one in Ottawa could put him out for the rest of the season. We think some extra gym time, and some extra practice before putting him in another game is good for him. Plus, we have some solid lines, and you don’t fix what’s not broken. I think next season, he will be a great option for our fourth or third line. Until then John, he will just have to deal with his current position unless we need another body.” Kyle only acknowledges that he is finished speaking by looking up from his computer screen.

“Kyle please, I know he’s small but his numbers are good, and he’s a hard worker. He’s still hungry for the validation, for the ice time. He won’t let you down I promise.” 

Kyle sighs, “John, did he tell you to come to me? This seems like it’s coming out of nowhere, and also seems like something Hyman would be doing.”

“He may have asked for a little help in return for some favors. But, I truly do believe everything I’m telling you. He’s a great kid in so many ways.”

“What are these favors he’s offering for you John? You know this can look bad on you that you’re being taken advantage of by a rookie, right?” Kyle closes his computer. 

John tries desperately to read the room, and figure out if Kyle would be mad at what he’s asking Nick to do for him. At least what he’s trying to get Nick to do for him. But, John knows if this goes well, he could probably get exactly what he wants of Nick.

“You’re hesitating quite a bit Captain,” Kyle crosses his arms leaning forward slightly, immediately making the air thicker and the tension rise, “Should I be worried?”

“No,” John knows he needs to think quickly in order to avoid the possibility of getting his Captainship taken away from him, or worse, “He’s just doing stuff around the house for me, and baby sitting Jace when I need him to, right buddy?” He asks Jace who’s been sitting on the floor playing with a toy John brought for him.

“Nicky!” Jace replies, remembering his new friend.

“Nick has been babysitting for you? Since when?”

“For a couple weeks now,” John visibly relaxes, “When me and Aryne need a little getaway he’ll come over and watch Jace.” 

“I’m glad you’re getting some time alone with your wife. I know I sure needed that when my son was a toddler. What are you going to do while she’s away? I know we talked about that recently.”

“Well,” John decides that telling Kyle Nick’s full abilities might help him in the long run, “I asked Nick to stay.”

“That’s good you got a friend to keep you company.”

“Yeah something like that,” John leans back into his chair, keeping his normal stoic expression.

“Ah, I think I understand now,” Kyle smiles lightly, “I didn’t know Nick was into guys. I also didn’t know you would cheat on your wife.”

“Well, I thought the first one was obvious, and as for cheating on my wife. He needed my help, and I hate being lonely.” 

Kyle nods slowly, trying to decide what was the best plan of action knowing this new found information about Nick. “Wasn’t obvious to me.”

“You know, Kyle, Nick is desperate. He’s willing to do anything to get some ice time around here.”

“Maybe Robertson and I should have another chat then sometime. He did approach me recently, but he stormed out quite quickly when he wasn’t satisfied by my opinion.” John can’t help but smile.

“I will make sure to relay the information to Nick when given the chance.” John gets up, taking Jace with him as he exits Kyle’s office, and heads down towards the dressing room. A few men are already there getting ready. John ends up having a similar conversation with them, deciding to leave out the parts of Nick doing favors for him. He tells them about how things need to change around here when it comes to how they are treating their new members. 

Things do start to change, per John’s request. Nick responds quite well to said change, looking a lot happier to be at practice every day. However, the ice time requested never comes, and Nick is not happy about that either. One night after a particularly rough game, Nick realizes how he could’ve been used during some plays. He’s angry, but the tension in the air is still high. Things at home with John and Nick aren’t easy, especially with how slow things are going. John is frustrated enough already, and he’s slowly getting frustrated enough to finally take what he’s been craving after for the past two weeks, and now especially that Jace has gone with John’s mother for the weekend. 

As they are walking out of Scotiabank Arena in order to head home for the evening, Nick pulls John aside in a dark hallway where they won’t get interrupted. “John, what the fuck. You said I would be getting ice time. It’s been two weeks now, and nothing. I don’t understand what’s so hard. I’ve been staying with you for this long, and you said it’s probably going to be another two weeks. I’ve done every type of dirty work you needed me to. Why has nothing fucking changed? You guys could’ve used me out there, that game was shit and you know it.” Nick tries to keep his voice low incase someone were to walk by, even though it’s highly unlikely.

“Are you joking? You don’t think I know that game was shit?” John doesn’t let himself raise his voice higher than a whisper, knowing if he was caught, his consequence would be to a much higher degree than Nick’s would be. “I talked to Kyle, he said he would talk to you. And you think I’m not frustrated. I invited you into my home for one thing, it’s been two weeks and nothing. I don’t fucking care if you’re a virgin or not Robertson. You made a deal.”

“I didn’t sign up to have sex with you John!” Nick raises his voice a little louder than before, “I signed up to stay with you until your wife got back. Maybe you should've thought twice about asking me to stay when you found out I was a virgin. Maybe I don’t want my first time to be with my captain in the bed he shares with his wife. Maybe I don’t want it to be with my captain at all. Did you ever think of that John, or are you too fucking selfish to realize that? You only care about one thing, and it’s disgusting. You disgust me John.”

The heat rises in John’s face, “What?” he barely manages to get out through his gritted teeth.

“I never wanted to have sex with you.”

This sends John over the edge. John pushes Nick back into the concrete wall of the basement of Scotiabank, barely saving Nick’s head with the cushion of his hand. “Listen, Nicholas,” Nick cowers at John’s sudden darkness in his voice, “You have led me on for two weeks straight. I’m fucking tired of waiting for you. Don’t be a pussy, or forget about it.”

“J-John… I-” Nick tries to catch his breath from the impact of the wall, and John’s words, “I’m sorry. We, um, we can do whatever you want while Jace is with your mom tomorrow night.”

John’s expression softens, “Good, I can’t wait.” Figuring they are alone, John leans in giving Nick a soft kiss as a reward for his compliance.

While deep in the action of figuring out each other’s mouths, a voice can be heard walking down the hallway. It’s not until said voice clears their throat loudly, echoing through the hall John and Nick thought they were hidden by. When they pull away from each other, Kyle is there with Sheldon’s voice heard just around the corner. The two caught in the act can’t help but be terrified at the thought of being caught by their head coach, as well as Nick is with his general manager. 

“He didn’t see anything, so hurry up and go home before I decide to tell him.” Kyle whispers just loud enough for John and Nick to hear him.

Both the boys wait until Sheldon and Kyle walk past the hall, and they sneak out before they can be caught by anyone else. 

The next day at practice, Kyle pulls Nick aside after most the people have left and asks him to come to his office. This of course terrifies Nick to his core. Especially after what Kyle caught him doing the other night, the last thing Nick wants is to be alone with Kyle for any longer to say hello. 

Nick sits down, careful to not say anything that Kyle could use against him. Instead, Nick decides to play dumb. “So, why did you want to talk to me, sir?”

“I just wanted to talk about your future on this team. Tell me Nick, do you see yourself in Toronto with us in five years from now?” Kyle pulls out a notebook, fully prepared to take notes on what Nick has to say. 

“Well, I would like to still be here. I really like Toronto. The people here are nice.”

“Toronto is a very nice city. So, When you sign your regular contract, what type of contract are you looking for? I want to start keeping track of these types of things.” 

“Well, I’ve talked with my agent about this briefly. We haven’t gotten into much of a deep conversation just yet. But I know I would prefer to have a no move, one-way contract. Especially with the possibility of being moved down to the Marlies since I’m so young, I really don’t want to um, do that. Sorry I’m not too great with explanations about myself.”

“No hockey players are, it’s okay Nick. I think I understand.” Kyle writes a couple things down in the notebook in front of him about Nick’s contract and closes the notebook. “So, how are you liking it here in Toronto? I know you said you like it here, but what do, you know, do fun around here. I know it must be nice to be able to drink a little earlier than you would’ve back home in California.”

“Um, I pretty much just go get coffee in the mornings, I’m a regular at this shop downtown. Other than that, I work out a lot, go on runs. It’s kind of hard with a lot of things being closed to do many things for fun. I don’t really drink alcohol a lot, only when Zach has me over for dinner. I don’t really like the feeling of being drunk that much.” Nick plays with his thumbs in his lap, trying to avoid Kyle’s gaze. Not that it has been effective considering Kyle has been tearing Nick apart since he’s walked in the room. 

“I understand that. You have an old soul Nicholas.” Nick looks up at Kyle and Kyle smiles softly, “I think you have a wonderful future ahead of you in this organization. I can’t wait to see where the future takes you.” Kyle stands up from his desk and walks over to Nick, sitting in the chair next to him. 

“Thank you, sir. It means a lot to hear that from you.” Nick nods smiling lightly, not wanting to come off as arrogant.

“Please Nick,” Kyle places a hand gently on Nick’s knee, “Call me Kyle.” 

Nick looks down at Kyle’s hand and quickly glances back up at Kyle before returning his intense stare down to the floor. Beside the kisses and bed shared with John, this is the most a person has invaded his personal space when not hockey related, or by a relative. “Kyle…” Nick whispers softly, not moving his gaze from the carpet beneath him.

“Nick,” Kyle slides his hand up a few inches so his hand is now on the lower part of Nick’s thigh, “I think you are a very important asset to this team, and I wanted to show you that personally.” 

Nick stands up quickly, catching Kyle by surprise. “I think,” Nick tries to collect his thoughts, “I think I need to go. I- my um, my ride is waiting for me.” Nick walks quickly out of Kyle's office and back down to the main floor of the rink. Nick avoids any contact with anyone he passes just in case he tells someone what just occurred in Kyle’s office. The last thing Nick wants is a huge scandal about Kyle Dubas having sexual relations with a player, a young one at that. Not only that, but also Nick knows he wouldn’t be able to show his face at home again at the thought that his parents not only knowing that he has had sex, but also he has had sex with a man. He knows his parents aren’t homophobic because they often talk poorly about how homophobic some of Jason’s friends were growing up. But, that still doesn’t change the fact that their own child is gay, or bisexual at least. Plus, Nick knows that his parents would never forgive him for wasting his virginity on someone he didn’t love. 

Eventually, Nick and John go home, and they do their normal night routine. Except, that Nick made a promise to John. And, John intends on holding Nick to that promise. Until about eleven at night, John doesn’t bring up the idea of having sex once. Nick feels relieved at this, thinking he’s got away with his empty promise. But, as soon as the bedroom door closes for the night, John pushes Nick against the wall just right of that.

John crashes his lips into Nick’s before either are given the choice to say a word. John knows the less Nick speaks during this, the less guilty he’ll feel. John continues to slowly kiss Nick before forcing a tongue into his mouth, finally tasting Nick. He lets his hands wander down the smaller boy’s arms and back up again, over his shoulders, and down his chest. Nick can’t help but fill John’s mouth with small hitches of breath at the sensation of feathery touches all over his body. 

It’s not until John slides his hands up Nick’s shirt, strategically running his fingers gently across the boy’s nipples that Nick finally lets out a small whine. John takes this as encouragement, moving his wet kisses down to where the pulse pounds against Nick’s neck. John lightly plays with one of Nick’s nipples, eager to hear what Nick’s moans finally sound like. 

Nick only bites his lip in return, trying to keep any noises inside. Being used to having to be quiet from living with his parents for so long, Nick is terrified to slip up. So when John pulls away just fast enough to whisper warmly against his neck, “Let me hear you,” Nick immediately lets out a soft moan. “Thank you,” John goes back to mouthing at Nick’s neck, and moves his hand that was previously teasing his nipple down to the waistband of his pants. John hooks his thumbs down the waist of Nick’s sweats, and tugs them down so Nick is left standing in his underwear and a t- shirt. 

Through all the heat of the moment, Nick could barely realize how hard he actually was until John placed a hand right on his straining erection. Nick lets out a small groan, pushing his head back into the wall behind him. “Fuck,” Nick lets out in a small highpitched whisper. 

“Does that feel good Nicky?” John asks more condescending than actually curious.

“Yes,” Nick breathes out, “Fuck, yes.” 

John pulls away and leads Nick over to the bed, pushing down on the mattress, and Nick responds by sliding up all in one quick motion. John strips down to just his underwear, leaving Nick breathless at the sight of another man practically naked before him in such context. It’s not that Nick has never seen John naked; it’s quite a normal thing to walk around the dressing room naked when there are no cameras around. John has quite the impressive body for someone his age. 

Nick pulls his shirt off as well, and John gets on his hands and knees on top of the boy waiting patiently on the bed. “You’re gonna be good, right?”

“Y-yes, captain.” John normally hates being called captain in bed, but the fear in Nick’s eyes causes him to groan. 

“Good.” John runs a hand up and down Nick’s practically bare chest, feeling it rise and fall heavily. Wanting to see Nick’s face as he gets touched for the first time, John takes his hand and slides it down to inbetween Nick’s legs. 

Nick’s eyes go wide as the feeling of electricity runs through his veins. It was one thing when John’s face was in his neck, but now that he was out on display for his captain, Nick felt every sensation to a much higher degree. 

Nick groans, rolling his hips up into John's touch. He’s never felt something like this before, beside the touch of his own hand. 

John takes Nick’s actions as an opportunity to get his fingers underneath the waistband of his underwear, pulling them off right from underneath him. 

Nick hides his face in embarrassment at the thought that he is so exposed. With precome beading at the tip of his cock, Nick shivers slightly at the way the cool air of the room hits him in the most sensitive places. 

Everything moves so quickly, that Nick doesn’t even notice when John gets a good amount of lube on his fingers, and presses one just barely at Nick’s entrance. This causes Nick to gasp, moving his arm from his eyes. “Does that feel good Nick?” John asks softly, as not to make the moment anymore overwhelming. Not that the whisper helps. 

“I-'' Nick whines softly, “I don’t know…” John takes Nick’s uncertainty as an opportunity to possibly show him that this is the right thing. John slides the tip of his finger inside of Nick, careful to watch every change of expression of the younger boy’s face. 

Nick scrunches his face up in response, the sensation so new and unusual to him. John doesn’t waste a second, pushing the rest of his finger inside without a word said. Nick let’s put a choked breath at the feeling of being stretched out for the first time like this. 

Before Nick can even get used to the feeling of being opened up, John starts to move his finger slowly in and out of Nick. Nick bites his lip in order to keep any pained sounds inside, not wanting to disappoint John. 

It’s not until the first tear slips down Nick’s cheek that John realizes exactly the not only physical, but emotional pain he’s putting Nick through. John remembers when he first lost his virginity. He remembers being under his own captain back in Long Island. How it felt to be so helpless in a situation. How he practically hid from himself for months, unable to even look at himself without feeling the shame of not saving himself for his future spouse. Now with Aryne, John wishes he had the opportunity to share such a magical experience with her. 

Now here he is, knuckle deep in his own rookie. Taking advantage of someone who has no choice but to comply. John pulls his finger out of Nick and rolls off him onto his back, staring up at the ceiling of the home he’s grown with his wife. He can’t help but wonder exactly how disappointed she would be with him, not only for cheating on her, but for taking advantage of a literal teenager. 

“John?” Nick whispers, confused on why he stopped, but definitely relieved.  
“Forget about it.” John doesn’t move his eyes from the ceiling, not wanting to face the mistakes he just made. “Just, go to sleep.”

“John, what’s wrong?”

“I’m sorry,” John sighs, finally breaking his staring contest with the ceiling to look Nick in the eyes, “I shouldn’t have done that. You weren’t ready. You were right, I am selfish.”

Nick sits up and rolls out of bed. “I um, I’m gonna go to the bathroom.” Nick makes his way into the bathroom and finishes off what John started. Making himself cum carefully into the toilet beneath him, keeping nothing on his mind to speed the process up. Only worried about the outcome. After, Nick walks back out, puts his sweats back on, and lays back in bed with John. “Hey JT?”

“Yeah Nicky?” 

“I just want you to know,” Nick lays his head on John’s shoulder, “I want you to know that I forgive you.”

“Nick you don’t have to do that.”

“No. You stopped because you wanted to,” Nick whispers into the silence, “Not because I asked you. So yes, I forgive you.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW// this chapter has mentions of Rape. I will put a beginning and ending TW between the mentions. It's not a lot which is why it's not an archive warning.

When John wakes up the next morning, he knows they don’t have practice today, so he decides to leave Nick in bed and head over to his mom’s house a little ways out of town. The time spent in the car, John put on podcasts about true crime and blanked out, thinking about the boy at home the whole time. Mainly thinking about how small he looked underneath him last night, and how tight and hot he felt around his finger, wishing he could feel how Nick felt around other things. John knows he has to wait for Nick, but he doesn’t know when exactly his wife will be home, and doesn’t want to wait until it is already too late. The last place John wants to take Nick’s virginity is in a shower, or on Nick’s probably uncomfortable mattress he took from home. John wants Nick to feel as comfortable and safe as possible, so he doesn’t have a repeat of how John’s virginity was taken from him. 

John arrives at his mom’s house quicker than he expected due to the speeding that resulted in him being trapped in his thoughts. He gets out of his car and walks up to the door, excited to see his son again. When he knocks on the door, John can hear Jace inside yelling for him. His mother answers the door. 

“Johnny, come in come in.” Barbra moves out of the way of the door, allowing John to walk inside, hugging him after she closes the door. Jace immediately runs in hugging his dad's legs. 

“Hey mom,” John hugs back, and then crouches down to pick up Jace, “Did you miss me JJ?” 

Jace just nods, and the three head into the living room and sit on the couch. “So Johnny, How is Aryne and her mother, I know you mentioned she wasn’t well?”

“Well, Aryne is doing okay. She told me she’s been staying up late every night caring for her, and praying for her recovery. As for her mother, things are looking good. I know she was released from the hospital.” John smiles softly.

“That’s great now. So, how are you doing without someone there to take care of you?”  
“I invited a friend to stay over.” John avoids eye contact with his mom, hoping she won’t ask any questions. 

“A friend? Who’s your friend, I didn’t think you could make friends.” 

“Mom. I have friends. He’s just a guy on the team, it’s not a big deal. His name’s Nick.”

“Oh Nick. Jace has told me all about this Nicky. Haven’t ya Jacey?” Jace just nods at his grandma, “So, he’s just a friend? Just a guy on the team?”

“Mom, not every guy I talk to is someone I’m interested in.” John shakes his head.

“I don’t know John, I know you were really close with that one Anders boy when you were still in New York.”

“Me and Anders were just friends…” John looks away, trying not to think about the people he left in New York almost four years ago now. 

“Were you Johnny?” Barbra puts an arm around his shoulders, “I know you talked very fondly of him.”

John just sighs, and Barbra takes the hint and stops asking about it. They talk little about how the season is going, and John ends up telling his mom about Nick. How he’s becoming fond of him, just as he did with Anders. His mom only warns him of hurting Aryne, and to be wary of doing anything with Jace around. John is shocked at how calm she is, not that she’s ever been a yeller. Instead, Barbra decides it is just best to comfort her son instead of lecture him. 

Eventually John decides to leave with Jace, expecting to come back to an empty home. Instead, Nick is awake cooking himself breakfast in the kitchen listening to music loudly over a speaker. When John walks in with Jace, Nick immediately turns the music off, deeming it too inappropriate for toddlers. “Hey when you’re done with that, can you watch over Jace? I just need some time to myself.” John asks from the living room.

“Oh yeah for sure. What’s on your mind Johnny Toronto?” Nick turns to face John for a split second before returning to his pan of eggs. 

The mention of Toronto is almost too much for John to handle at the moment. Especially after the mention of Anders earlier, he kind of really misses New York right now, He decides not to bring it up, saving it for a later date. “Nothing really, just adult things. No not like that, I know you’re looking at me weird.”

Nick was in fact giving John exactly the look he was expecting. “Okay JT have all the time you need.” Nick finishes up his breakfast, and takes Jace upstairs leaving John by himself in the living room.

John decided he needed a moment to decompress since he was in his car, and now that he is alone, he takes his chance. His mind goes straight to Anders Lee. The moments he would share with him alone where no one was there to judge. The way they would joke about Anders coming for John’s spot as captain. It didn’t surprise John one bit when after he left Anders kept that promise. John knows he’s doing great leading those guys, and John can’t help but wonder if Anders has a new boy he holds hands with in the dark, a new boy he shares kisses with when watching a movie, a new boy he tells is beautiful so quietly on the bench when the roars of fans are so loud no one can hear. John was never able to call Anders his boyfriend, the fear of people finding out was much greater than any love they ever shared. But that didn’t stop the two from leaning near each other on the bus when everyone was asleep, or John finding the excuse to constantly lean across Anders on the plane to “look out the window”. John laughs at the memories, remembering how much he just wanted to be close to the man, he took maybe too many risks. Enough risks to get caught, although they never did. 

Beginning of TW //

John’s mind then wanders to the night with his first NHL captain. He remembers how it felt asking Doug Weight for advice on how to get more ice time. how he felt so small, so helpless. He remembers Doug telling him that he’d probably have to go through him first, John asking how exactly he would have to do that, Doug inviting him back to his hotel room in Edmonton, John looking up at him completely naive about the heat of the room, Doug pushing him down into the bed, John begging him to stop, Doug telling him to not be a pussy. John remembers the feeling of wanting to rip himself out of his own skin, wanting to tear his consciousness from his body so he didn’t mentally have to be there in that moment.

Then John remembers how Nick’s eyes were crammed shut as tight as they could be, probably to push back any tears he was forming. He thinks about how Nick was probably scared out of his mind, unable to even say stop. It hits him like a train to realize that he is just like Doug. A fucking rapist. 

End of TW //

Jace starts crying from upstairs and it snaps John right out of his spiralling emotions. He runs upstairs to see what’s wrong. Except when he gets up there, he realizes that it’s way past Jace’s nap time, and he probably just needs to go to sleep. Nick is already softly bouncing him to soothe whatever started his tantrum. So John just stands in the doorway to watch. 

Once Jace falls asleep in Nick’s arms, they put him to sleep in his crib. John realizes, if he’s going to stay any longer with Nick, he knows he has to tell him what happened to him while in New York. “Nick, can we talk?” 

“Aren’t we talking right now?” Nick gives him a shit eating grin that makes John’s heart do a small cartwheel in his chest. Something he will have to note to not think about later. 

“Shut up,” John shakes his head, “come on.” They walk into John’s bedroom, their bedroom is what it’s starting to feel like to both of them. Either way, they sit quietly on the bed, John carefully analyzing exactly how he’s going to tell Nick about Anders and Doug. It isn’t until Nick speaks again that John realizes how long it’s been.

“So, what did you want to talk about?” Nick’s voice is soft, and careful. John realizes that maybe he has been bouncing his leg kind of hard. 

“Um,” John swallows thickly into the quiet air between them, “You know Anders Lee right?”

“The captain of the Islanders? Yeah I know of him.” Nick shrugs, and John remembers that the only teams Nick has played beside Columbus are all canadian teams. Nick has never known what it was like to play NHL hockey before quarantine took over everyone’s lives. 

“He was my first, and uh,” John pauses to think of what word he should use to describe his relationship with Anders, “male uh, lover I guess you could call him. We never dated officially, but we did everything someone who dated did.”

“You and Anders…” Nick lets himself think before saying the wrong thing, “What- uh- when was this?”

“Well, we started getting affectionate three years before I left, and then we kind of dated the last two seasons before I moved here.”

“Was he mad?” 

This question gets John’s mind back to its spiral. Anders texted him the day he signed the contract with Toronto saying something along the lines of ‘don’t forget to call’. John didn’t at first. But then, John started actually getting feelings for his once consensual cover up, and asked her out. Anders said he was happy for them, and John knew he was genuine. Anders always said what was on his mind. However, John can’t help but wonder if Anders thinks about him like John is currently spiraling. “I don’t know. We tried to keep something going, but Aryne started making me actually feel things so I went with the easier option. Which makes me sound like I don’t love Aryne, because I do. But, loving another man while in the NHL is like you’re asking for hell to be raised, especially if he’s the captain of the team you left.”

Nick just nods, “Yeah, I think I understand.” 

John puts a hand on Nick’s, “Can I?” Nick nods, and John laces their fingers together. John tries to ignore the floaty feeling in his stomach as his palm connects with Nick’s. “So, about last night.” 

“John, I already told you I forgive you. You don’t have to worry about it.” Nick squeezes John’s hand lightly, as if to tell him that he’s being genuine. 

Beginning of TW //

“I know. But,” John sighs, “When I was a rookie, I asked for the same thing you did, and my captain did the same thing, except he didn’t stop no matter how much I asked.” 

“John, I- I’m so sorry.” Nick lets go of John’s hand and wraps both his arms around his captain. Nick can’t help but wonder if the seriousness in John’s face is a result of what happened to him in New York. It wouldn’t surprise him after something so traumatizing. “Did you ever tell anyone?”

John shakes his head, “That would’ve ruined his career, and outed both me and him. I wanted to tell someone. I really did. I went to Snow and almost told him, but when he asked me what was wrong, I panicked.” 

End of TW //

Nick nods and hugs John tighter. They end up laying down together while Jace takes his nap. Nick holds John silently to his chest, making sure to keep his breathing slow and not to make any sudden movements. Nick has never really been one to be the person being cuddled, so it’s definitely a new feeling for him. But, he doesn’t mind the warmth of John’s body, the feeling of his head on his chest. It’s almost grounding, like a weighted blanket. 

John listens to Nick’s heart beat. It’s been so long since John has felt this small, so he nourishes every second of this. He doesn’t want to fall asleep and has to worry about being awoken by his son in the other room. But, Nick’s heartbeat is so steady, like the waves of an ocean slowly lulling him to sleep. John fights off the waves of sleep off just enough to be consciously there. It’s not like John would ever admit this to any of his teammates, not even Nick, but John loves this feeling. The feeling of being protected from the world. While he won’t say it, behind closed doors he’s willing to spare some affection. Usually with his wife, but ever since Nick has arrived, John has felt less and less of the ache to be in her arms. Which should worry him, however there is no doubt in his mind that he loves Aryne, and always will. 

John takes a deep breath before opening his mouth again, “Nick, I know you’re the one comforting me here…” John takes a long pause, and Nick doesn’t interrupt him. “How are you feeling about all this? I know like this is all new to you, so I wanna make sure you’re okay.” 

“I’m fine John, really.” Nick runs his fingers methodically over John’s scalp, “Don’t worry about me.”

“Nick, I don’t want to hurt you.” John pulls away from Nick’s touch, looking the younger boy in the eyes, “please tell me so you don’t get hurt.”

Nick sighs, avoiding eye contact with John. “I’m just… nervous.”

“What are you nervous about?”

Nick fiddles with his fingers, biting his lower lip, “I just know what we’re even doing this for. I want to give that to you, I really do… I just. I just don’t know if I can.”

“Why can’t you Nicky? What are you scared of?” John tries to soothe Nick by rubbing his forearm softly.

“It’s stupid…”

“It can’t possibly be that stupid, you can tell me.” 

“My parents would be disappointed in me, and um… I’m embarrassed.” Nick’s face goes flush. 

John forces Nick to look at him, “Why are you embarrassed?” 

“I- uh..” Nick stumbles over the right way to word this, not wanting to sound too pathetic. “I’m small?” 

“Your dick or you in general?” Nick just rolls his eyes, embarrassed from the confrontation. 

“Yes?” Nick isn’t exactly sure how to answer this question since it’s neither, and also both at the same time. 

“Nick I don’t think you understand. I’ve seen you naked before, quite a bit actually.” John reminds Nick. 

“I know I know… but not naked and like turned on. It’s different.”

“Here,” John sits up, “we don’t have to have sex. Not until you’re ready. But, let me show you that you can trust me. Okay?”

“How you gonna do that?” Nick says, doubting the intent of his captain.

John lowers his voice to a whisper, “Let me touch you, I’ll go nice and slow for you okay?”

Nick just nods. 

John leans down, planting a soft kiss on Nick’s forehead before pressing their lips together. John lets his hands wander across Nick’s clothed chest as the kiss becomes more and more passionate. John pulls away pulling Nick’s shirt up and off, and returns to kissing, moving down to his jaw and neck. 

Nick’s breath quickly becomes heavy as John sucks his skin into his mouth, careful not to leave a mark. John’s kisses slowly lead down farther to Nick’s chest, lightly licking a stripe across Nick’s nipple. John, now feeling satisfied as a small moan escapes Nick, sucks the nipple fully into his mouth and plays with the other with his thumb. Once Nick is squirming underneath his touch, John moves onto a new project. 

John places his hands on the waistband of Nick’s sweats. “Is this okay?” he whispers. When Nick nods, John pulls the sweats off along with Nick’s boxers. 

John tries his best not to stare, but Nick is leaking with precum already so it’s quite difficult to look away. “Can I suck your dick?”

“I- uh” Nick’s face is flushed red, and he’s stuck panting trying to find any words he can, “Please.”

John, still fully clothed, leans down and licks one clean line up the underside of Nick’s cock, taking a moment to watch it twitch slightly. Nick bites his lip to hold back the noises careful not to wake up Jace. 

John slowly takes the head into his mouth, forming a nice suction and cleaning the precum beading at the tip. This gets a small whine out of Nick, and John takes the rest of his dick in with one clean slow motion. It’s been quite awhile since John has given head, so the feeling of the head hitting the back of his throat is a little too much, but he pushes through it wanting to give Nick the best head he can possibly experience. 

John runs his hands all over Nick’s body as he sets up a good steady rhythm taking more and more of Nick’s cock into his mouth. After about 3 minutes, Nick is already tapping on John’s shoulder, unable to form the words that he’s going to cum soon. John isn’t exactly turned on by the fact of swallowing Nick’s cum. So he pulls off, finishing Nick off with his fist. 

“Thank you…” Nick whispers softly in the afterglow of his first blow job. “So, so much…”

John just giggles softly, and walks into the bathroom to clean his hands off of the cum drying slowly to his fingers. When John returns, Nick is sitting up, his eyes wide with intent. 

“Can I touch you?” John stops at the end of the bed, fully prepared to have to finish himself off quickly in the bathroom. 

“Fuck… I guess yeah sure.” John crawls back into bed, and Nick quickly shoves his hand down into John’s pants, not hesitating one bit to jerk John off. Nick is in some need of practice, but it’s enough friction to get John off. Reluctantly cumming in his track pants. 

When Nick is done giggling at him like a schoolgirl, John gets up and changes into fresh underwear and pants and gets back in bed. They cuddle not wanting to face the fact that they have actual responsibilities to get to. Neither of them move, taking in each other's scents and feeling each other’s breath. Shortly Nick falls asleep, and Jace wakes up. John imagines a world where Nick is the person he normally shares this bed with, that he is the person he has a son with, and quickly pushes the thought away to care for his crying son.


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning John wakes up first, but decides he’ll stay in bed. They didn’t do anything the night before, but John still feels bad for leaving Nick alone two mornings in a row. He takes this time to let his brain catch up with everything that happened the day before. He wants to ignore whatever fondness he has in his heart while looking down at Nick asleep next to him, but it’s hard considering the situation he is in. If he wasn’t married, and he was single, he would dwell on the fact that any one would want to spend more than 10 minutes with him, but with the fear of Aryne being home any day, it’s difficult. John knows he needs to talk to someone about all of this, but there’s not many people he would trust with the information of him sleeping with a teammate almost 10 years younger than him.

At some point while John was deep in his thoughts, Nick must have woken up. Because the next time John snaps out of it and looks down, Nick is looking up at him with a slightly concerned look on his face. John smiles lightly and breaks the silence, “Good morning.”

“Mornin’,” Nick whispers, his voice still hoarse from sleep. 

John’s heart soars at the thought that he gets to hear this, and leans down letting their lips brush just light enough to feel it. Nick just looks up at him with the saddest puppy dog eyes John thinks he’s ever seen. So he leans back down and closes the space between them. 

The kiss is slow and passionate, Nick letting out small breaths hear and there that sound almost like whines. John is the first to pull away, but Nick decided that he isn’t done yet and attaches his lips to John’s neck. Sucking on his pulse, John only breathes through it, trying not to get too addicted to the feeling. 

When Nick pulls away, he presses his thumb softly into the bruise that formed over the sensitive skin. “You’re so pale.” Nick whispers into the warm crook of John’s neck.

“What did you do?” John says, his voice panicked but still soft not to wake up Jace in the next room.

“Nothing.” Nick gets out of bed, “I’m gonna go piss.”

“Nick?”

Nick walks into the bathroom, completely ignoring John. He knows that John would be pissed if he found out he left a hickey on him. It’s not really like a thirty year old man to have a hickey, much less one from someone that’s not even his wife. Nick knows he kind of has to beat around the bush with everything he does with John. Upsetting him would mean he would lose all progress on the plan for more ice time. Also, having your captain on your bad side is just self sabotage. It’s practically begging for hell to be raised.

John ends up just getting dressed for practice, completely ignoring the half-boner in his pants. Plus, making breakfast and taking care of Jace will get rid of it anyways. He goes and wakes Jace up, and takes him downstairs putting on a show for him in the living room while he makes the three of them breakfast. 

After breakfast, John takes them to the rink and leaves Jace with one of their athletic trainers who volunteered to watch him while John went and talked to Kyle. When John enters, Kyle is on his laptop replying to emails. Kyle closes the laptop upon seeing John, and tells him to take a seat. “You wanted to speak with me?” 

“Yeah,” John leans forward placing his elbows on his knees and clasping his hands together, “It’s about Nick... again.”

“John,” Kyle takes his glasses off and folds them neatly on the desk in front of him, “I’ve been watching Robertson closely, and I think he has a wonderful future on this team. I just think that he needs time not only to recover, but also to mature. Nick is still only nineteen, he has a lot of room to improve before he gets a more permanent spot on the team.”

John furrows his eyebrows tightly together, “What if I made you a deal?”

Kyle lowers his voice to just above a whisper, “I’m listening.”

“What if I told you that nineteen year old Nicholas Robertson is a virgin, and I, personally, do not have the courage to take it myself.”

“Interesting, are you suggesting that I take Robertson’s virginity?” Kyle leans forward in his seat, seeming almost interested in the thought.

“Um, if you don’t mind?” 

“You Know I could get fired for this?” John doesn’t answer, figuring the question was more rhetorical anyways. Kyle lets himself weigh the pros and cons before speaking again, “I’ll do it.”

“Sweet, want me to send him up after practice?” John stands up and walks to the door.

“That works for me. I don't have anything in here.” John nods and pulls his backpack off of his back, pulling out a condom and a small bottle of lube. 

“I Figured you wouldn’t, so I came prepared.” John sets them on Kyle’s desk and leaves Kyle to do with those as he pleases. 

Later, when the lineups are announced for the day at practice, Nick is surprised to hear that he was put on fourth line for the day. Not that being on the lineup wasn’t the plan the whole time, but Nick can’t help but wonder what John must have said to get Nick on the lineup at all. He knows he’s a good player, but knowing how the coaching staff feel about his size, there had to have been some type of persuasion going on here. It can’t be that easy. Either way, Nick will take whatever he can get to get on the ice for real as soon as possible. He needs to make his parents proud, no matter what actions are used to hear the words “I'm proud of you” come out of his fathers mouth. After his first NHL goal during the 2020 playoffs, Nick has been chasing that feeling ever since. 

All the other boys just chirp Nick to hell and back about how he’s gonna get crushed by Tkachuk as soon as they play Calgary again, or destroyed by McDavid when they play Edmonton again. Nick just ignores them, he knows that he is one of the best forwards on this team, he just needs his time on the ice. He knows he’ll be right up there with Auston Matthews and Connor McDavid. 

Thankfully, the chirping stops as soon as Mitch Marner leans very close to John’s neck and quite literally yells, “John Tavares! Is that a Hickey?!” which catches everyone’s attention quickly. John's cheeks turn red and the rest of him turns pale. 

“I burnt myself.” John pushes Mitch away from him, “leave me alone.”

“Ah ah ah JT, that’s the oldest trick in the book.” Auston chirps from across the dressing room. 

“Your wife finally home?” Mitch asks. 

“No.” John lets them have a field day with that information until he yells at everyone to go to the ice. 

Practice goes surprisingly smoothly, Keefe there to tell them to focus when anyone starts chirping John about the bruise pressed into John’s skin. Nick only gets distracted by the fact that he did that to John, like a protective girlfriend, a couple times. The shape of his mouth stained onto his captain's neck. It should make him feel bad, make him want to stop, but if anything it does the exact opposite. It makes Nick want more, maybe even a matching bruise on his neck right where his pulse beats steadily. 

Nick knows better than to want for too long. Wanting like this will turn into feelings, which has been done one too many times to get him to really fall for anyone ever again, at least until he knows it’s for someone he actually has a chance with. 

When practice ends, most of the guys tell Nick how good he did that day. That they’re all impressed with how much he’s grown since first coming to Toronto. Not that Nick didn’t think he’d do well in the NHL, his size being one of the only factors that made his draft pick as low as it was. Not many people want a 5 ft 8 kid on their team, but he’s happy that the leafs saw at least some potential in him. 

And as if he was psychic, as soon as he turned the corner to walk out of the rink, Kyle stops Nick dead in his tracks. “We need to talk, Nicholas.”

Not that Nick has anything specific to be worried about, other than the hickey bright on John’s neck. Nick knows that Kyle knows that they are seeing each other, so maybe there is a little bit to worry about. 

Nick follows Kyle up to his office. Kyle gestures for Nick to walk in first, so he does. When Kyle closes the door, he locks it. Loud and clear to Nick, enough that his heart rate spikes. 

“So what did y-” Kyle pushes Nick back into the door, pressing their lips together, shutting Nick up quickly. 

It’s not that Nick had never imagined kissing his GM, it definitely crossed his mind at least once while shamefully jerking it in the middle of the night, but he definitely never imagined it would actually ever happen. Mostly because Kyle is married and has a child, but apparently that didn’t stop John either. Kyle is definitely attractive for his age. 

Nick is quickly awoken from his thoughts as soon as Kyle presses a firm warm hand against the front of Nick’s pants. The warmth and pressure sends immediate shocks of pleasure down Nick’s spine, causing Nick to gasp, and Kyle to slide his tongue into Nick’s mouth at the opening. 

“What are you doing?” Nick whispers, just pulling away from the kiss. He can feel Kyle’s steady heart rate against his own racing one. Nick can’t even begin to imagine how Kyle can stay so calm with his tongue down someone else’s throat.

“Nicholas,” Kyle’s voice drops low and warm against Nick’s face, “I told you that you were an important asset to this team, now please let me show you just how important you are to me specifically.” 

“Kyle…” Nick tries desperately to collect his thoughts into coherent sentences, “I don’t, I can’t, no.” Nick keeps his breath slow, trying to calm the shaking of his hands and pounding in his chest. He knows his cheeks are flaming red based off of the sincere smile Kyle gives him before planting a small press of his lips to the hot skin. 

“Let me take care of you, and I promise that I will do whatever it takes to get you on the line up for the next game Nick.” 

In this moment, Nick knows he has a decision to make, which would make his parents more disappointed? Nick was never one to back down from a challenge. Being only 5 foot 8, he was always a target in hockey. Constantly being told he’d never make it in the big leagues. This was his chance to prove that he could do what no one believed he could, but this obviously came at a price. Nick knows his parents would be extremely disappointed in the fact that he used his body as a way to get ahead. They always praised his work ethic, and this was not the way to get what he wanted, he knows that. But Nick is hungry, desperate for the chance to prove that he is worth so much more than the 53rd overall pick. 

“Nick, if you decided you don’t want to play, that's okay.” Kyle’s voice sterns back up to his usual tone. 

“No-” Nick lets out quickly, desperately, before relaxing into his decision, “I’ll do it… just, I am a virgin.”

“That’s okay Nicholas, I’ll take care of you.” Kyle walks back over to the desk and pulls out the lube and condom he stashed earlier when John gave it to him, “I’m gonna bend you over my desk, and if you need something to bite down on to be quiet you have to let me know, alright Nick?” 

Nick just nods, walks over to the desk, and faces the window that Kyle already must have drawn the blinds. Nick counts the breaths it takes, 18 slow full ones, for Kyle to come behind him and place his hands on Nick. 

Before things get too heated, Nick decides it would be easier to focus on the movement of everything rather than the feeling, the thoughts. 

Kyle slowly pushes the waistband on Nick’s track pants and underwear to right above his knees. Not wanting to waste a single second, Kyle puts almost too much lube on his pointer and middle finger, and slowly presses the pointer finger inside of Nick’s ass. 

Nick grabs the desk tightly to ignore all the pain signals in his brain telling him to pull away. It’s too much, and Nick knows this is going to be too much. But, He wants to play and 10 minutes of pain never killed him. He’s a professional athlete, and he knows he’ll experience ten times the pain at least once in his life. Nick knows if he can’t get through this, then what is even the point? So, he relaxes. Lets Kyle work his whole finger inside him before he lets out a hiss of pain through his teeth. 

“It’s okay Nick,” Kyle whispers against Nick’s ear, “Relax it’s okay.” 

Nick slows his breathing down to a steady in two, out two. Kyle takes that as a green light and begins to work his finger in and out slowly, taking in the tight heat of the younger man’s hole around him. 

It’s overwhelming at first to Nick, his body almost rejects it completely. After almost a whole minute of fighting the pain reflexes inside his mind, the stretch starts to feel good. Nick finally lets out a full breath, loosening his grip on Kyle’s desk beneath him. 

“Is that good Nicky?” Kyle whispers into the thickening air of his office. 

Nick just nods in response, and Kyle decides it a good time to take it up a notch. He moves his finger quicker, curling it to try and slide across Nick’s prostate. As soon as Nick bites down on his arm, Kyle knows he’s got it. Taking the momentum of the moment to slip a second finger. The pleasure covers up the pain of the stretch to Nick, so Kyle is able to continue to stretch him out. 

Once Nick is panting into the quickly heating room, Kyle slips his fingers out. He quickly unbuttons and unzips his pants, pulling his just his cock out. Kyle slips the condom on carefully, and adds probably too much lube, but he knows he can never be too careful for Nick’s comfort. 

Nick is looking over his shoulder when Kyle finally slips the head into his hole, causing him to whip his head back forward biting his arm again to avoid letting out any sounds. 

Kyle leans forward and whispers softly into Nick’s ear as he slowly slides his cock deeper, “Yes Nicky, so good… so tight for me, Nicky.” and other words of encouragement. 

Nick tries desperately to not tense up against the stretch, trying to instead focus on how the hot words escaping Kyle’s lips feel. How they shoot nothing but pleasure straight down to his already begging cock. Nick has never been spoken to like this, praised deeply in his ear. It’s almost too much, it makes the room spin. 

Kyle eventually bottoms out, giving Nick a moment to breathe and get used to the stretch. Nick knows he’s gonna take too long for Kyle, that he’ll eventually get impatient. So instead, Nick nods after a minute signaling Kyle to go ahead and move. 

Kyle follows suit, slowly pulling out and pushing back in steadily. He keeps the pace slow while Nick breathes through it. Once he hears the slightest moan escape Nick’s lips, he speeds up to a speed he knows he’ll be able to finish with. 

Eventually, the stretch starts to change from a burning pain to more of a burning pleasure. Nick’s breath changes from sharp inhales to shallow pants with each thrust of Kyle’s hips. The small slap of skin and breathing being the only thing filling the silence. 

Kyle slides his hand up to thread his fingers through Nick’s hair, tightening the grip he has with the other hand on Nick’s hip. This elicits a moan out of Nick, causing him to bite back down on his arm. 

Kyle knows he’s getting close, the heat and pressure of Nick’s virgin ass becoming too much. He wants Nick to cum first, but he also doesn’t want to clean cum off his desk. So he speeds his hips up, letting out a deep groan as he spills into the condom. 

Nick whimpers when Kyle pulls out, missing the fullness. But Kyle quickly disgards the condom into the trash and coaxes Nick to stand up facing Kyle. When Nick looks down, Kyle is already on his knees in front of him, quickly swallowing all of Nick’s cock. 

Nick gasps loudly, quick to cover his mouth before letting any more embarrassing sounds out. 

Kyle skillfully bobs his head, pressing his tongue down on the vein of Nick’s cock. It’s all Nick needed to come over the edge, cumming into Kyle’s mouth without a warning. Kyle chokes slightly at it, but sucks Nick through his orgasm before pulling off and spitting his cum out into the trash can. 

Kyle makes himself look presentable while Nick comes down from his high. And once Nick does, “You can leave now, I’ll talk to Sheldon about playing at the next game.” 

Nick nods, pulls his pants and underwear back up, and leaves in under a minute. Now that he has a chance to think, Nick doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to get rid of the sight of Kyle on his knees for him out of his head, ever. He smirks to himself knowing that everything is falling into place. Of course, bent over a desk wasn’t exactly how he wanted to lose his virginity, this was a part of the plan that he knew would have to come eventually. Maybe not necessarily with Kyle, but Nick knew losing his virginity was inevitable. 

When Nick makes it out to the parking garage, John is waiting for him in his car. He quickly slides into the passenger seat, and John begins to drive without even saying hello. Nick stares out the window. 

Nick tries to remind himself that this was a part of the plan, everything is working out, just as he was thinking prior to getting into the car. But then Nick remembers the look on John’s face when he almost took his virginity instead. How John looked at him like he was fragile, and while Nick knew he wasn’t fragile, maybe he was more of a plastic than a glass. How if he was dropped at the wrong angle, there was still a chance he could break. Nick didn’t consider how losing his virginity could make himself feel. He only ever considered how his parents would feel, how God would feel. But, in the split second it took him to look in the passenger side window, he realized everything he once knew to be himself… was gone. 

This wasn’t the Nick that played mini sticks with Jason in the living room everyday after school. This wasn’t the Nick that Bri would hold in a choke hold while he cried for his mom’s help. This wasn’t the Nick that moved to Michigan just to play hockey. This wasn’t the Nick that almost cried after seeing his first live NHL game. This wasn’t the Nick that would laugh with his junior buddies while they learned what alcohol tastes like together. This wasn’t the Nick that beamed when he got drafted after believing he wasn’t going to at all. This wasn’t the Nick that stayed up almost all night before his first NHL practice. This wasn’t him. That Nick was lost somewhere along the way. And when Nick looks at himself in the mirror, he doesn’t even recognize himself at all. 

“Kyle… Kyle and I had sex…” Nick whispers into the silent car. 

“Is that what took you so long? Jace was getting impatient.”

“John…” Nick’s voice goes higher in pitch being strained from the lump in his throat. 

“Nick did you want to have sex with him?” John asks casually, not looking off the road even for a second. 

“Mm-mm” Nick hums while shaking his head. 

“Nicky… Did you at least tell him no?”

“He said if I wanted to play, I had to…” The lump in Nick’s throat turns to actual tears. John silently continues to drive home, putting a hand on Nick’s knee for reassurance. 

John doesn’t have the heart to comfort him fully knowing he’s the reason behind this, but this is the least he can do. “I’ll talk to him, Nicky. I promise.”

**Author's Note:**

> Please don't forget to leave kudos and comment! It motivates me to write more often.


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